Leila
Military Police
Posts: 16
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FanFic
Aug 3, 2007 2:13:25 GMT -5
Post by Leila on Aug 3, 2007 2:13:25 GMT -5
The Red Eye Alchemist
The girl had been wandering the halls when Edward had found her. He walked over to her and tapped her lightly on the shoulder.
“Excuse me, but are you looking for someone?” He asked her.
Her long raven black hair flicked over her shoulder as she turned to face the boy. As she looked up at Ed, he noticed her eyes, a deep crimson red of an Ishbalan.
“Oh, do you know where I can find Roy Mustang?” The girl asked, her red eyes pleading.
"Sure." He replied, "I'm Ed, by the way."
The girl smiled. "I'm Akira."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Sir, Edward Elric and a girl are here to see you" Riza said, poking her head past the door "So, has Fullmetal got himself a girlfriend? If he does, he's luckier than Havoc" Roy thought to himself as he made space between his moutains of paperwork Lt. Hawkeye had made him do, so he could actually see the shrimp walk through the door. As he saw Akira standing next to Ed, her arms folded and her eyes narrowed to slits, he almost choked on the pen he had been chewing on.
"Ak-Akira?" He stuttered, trying to get his heart rate back to normal. "It's so lovely to see you!" He lied, standing up and making his way to the young Ishbalan.
Akira stormed up. "Don't give me that!" She yelled as she clapped her hands and ice started to crawl up her arm. She punched him hard on the shoulder, making Roy lose his balance and stumble backwards on his desk. She made a face of mock surprise as she put on a sickly sweet voice.
"Oh, I'm sorry did I hit your shoulder?" The sweetness quickly turned to hate. "I was aiming for your head!" She roared, balling up her fist. Luckily for Roy, Lt. Hawkeye walked in at that moment and ed her gun at Akira's head. She had her duty to protect Roy at all costs.
Akira lowered her fist and the ice melted away instantly.
"I'm sorry, I better introduce myself." Akira said, another smile on her face. "Ed, other person, my name is Akira Mustang, and this is my brother, Roy Mustang."
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Zechariah Stone
Lieutenant General
Civilain Alchemist
Wanna see my squishy? ^o^
Posts: 86
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FanFic
Aug 3, 2007 16:49:43 GMT -5
Post by Zechariah Stone on Aug 3, 2007 16:49:43 GMT -5
i'm kind of hoping there's more to this (cuz frankly i like seeing roy get beat up, god knows he deserves it >.<) but to me, not much happened here. i understand you were mainly introducing Akira Mustang (please correct me if i am wrong there) and i'd love to see more of this in the future. overall, it's pretty good to start off with, but it needs more... dialogue (for lack of a better word)
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Leila
Military Police
Posts: 16
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FanFic
Aug 7, 2007 3:01:29 GMT -5
Post by Leila on Aug 7, 2007 3:01:29 GMT -5
Thanks for the ideas! ^_^ I'm currently writing more but am in a bit of a blank.
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Zechariah Stone
Lieutenant General
Civilain Alchemist
Wanna see my squishy? ^o^
Posts: 86
|
FanFic
Aug 7, 2007 22:12:50 GMT -5
Post by Zechariah Stone on Aug 7, 2007 22:12:50 GMT -5
let me know if you need any help. writing and drawing are kind of my specialties ^.^
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FanFic
Aug 8, 2007 21:22:20 GMT -5
Post by General Brook Armstrong on Aug 8, 2007 21:22:20 GMT -5
Wow! This is good, but it does need a little work. If she is Ishbalain she can't be Mustang's sister.
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Leila
Military Police
Posts: 16
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FanFic
Aug 9, 2007 1:35:02 GMT -5
Post by Leila on Aug 9, 2007 1:35:02 GMT -5
let me know if you need any help. writing and drawing are kind of my specialties ^.^ That would be great ^_^. Wow! This is good, but it does need a little work. If she is Ishbalain she can't be Mustang's sister. Ah yes, but in Fanfiction, you can make anything hapen. Mwahahaha!!
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Zechariah Stone
Lieutenant General
Civilain Alchemist
Wanna see my squishy? ^o^
Posts: 86
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FanFic
Aug 9, 2007 21:43:54 GMT -5
Post by Zechariah Stone on Aug 9, 2007 21:43:54 GMT -5
Ah yes, but in Fanfiction, you can make anything hapen. Mwahahaha!! YAYZ!!! =D *jumps off a cliff* Da-DaDaaa!!! it's Uberman!!!!11!!11! *falls* i think i still can't fly. =P P.S. i'm really good with spelling and grammar, so let me know if you have anyproblems of that sort.
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Leila
Military Police
Posts: 16
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FanFic
Aug 10, 2007 1:06:57 GMT -5
Post by Leila on Aug 10, 2007 1:06:57 GMT -5
Aww, thankies sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much ^_^
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Zechariah Stone
Lieutenant General
Civilain Alchemist
Wanna see my squishy? ^o^
Posts: 86
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FanFic
Aug 10, 2007 12:38:30 GMT -5
Post by Zechariah Stone on Aug 10, 2007 12:38:30 GMT -5
it's oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookay ^o^
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Leila
Military Police
Posts: 16
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FanFic
Aug 15, 2007 1:28:34 GMT -5
Post by Leila on Aug 15, 2007 1:28:34 GMT -5
Mmmm, I realy need some help on making it longer....
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Zechariah Stone
Lieutenant General
Civilain Alchemist
Wanna see my squishy? ^o^
Posts: 86
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FanFic
Aug 18, 2007 16:06:45 GMT -5
Post by Zechariah Stone on Aug 18, 2007 16:06:45 GMT -5
well, i'm pretty good at the fights and all (but unfortunately my english teacher always said i lacked in dialogue) but i'm also great at grammar and fleshing things out. got anything you'd want my help with?
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Leila
Military Police
Posts: 16
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FanFic
Aug 19, 2007 1:56:59 GMT -5
Post by Leila on Aug 19, 2007 1:56:59 GMT -5
I'm thinking more on the meeting of Akira and Ed, and alsoon Akira and Roy
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Zechariah Stone
Lieutenant General
Civilain Alchemist
Wanna see my squishy? ^o^
Posts: 86
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FanFic
Aug 19, 2007 15:57:26 GMT -5
Post by Zechariah Stone on Aug 19, 2007 15:57:26 GMT -5
cool. might i suggest the classic "call ed short and see what happens" thing, or confuse him with al about the "fullmetal" title? it's always fun to mess with him. and maybe you should make friends with one of mustang's subordinates, just to piss him off (like hawkeye, for example)
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FanFic
Aug 19, 2007 18:13:13 GMT -5
Post by Lt. General Keira Alchemist on Aug 19, 2007 18:13:13 GMT -5
Wow! This is good, but it does need a little work. If she is Ishbalain she can't be Mustang's sister. Ah yes, but in Fanfiction, you can make anything hapen. Mwahahaha!! Still, your suppose to stick to the anime/manga true story line if your not making an anime/manga of your own and any anime/manga that is suppose to be base off of one such as Fullmetal Alchemist needs to have the characters base as how the character goes or it doesn't work.
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